The marking of a special time and a reminder that life is precious, these funny birthday quotes will brighten that big day.
Some birthdays indicate that you have reached an important milestone, such as a 1st, 16th or 21st birthday.
After those birthdays, what are some perfect words to wish someone on their birthday?
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What makes birthdays special?
When we are young, birthdays are full of promises and presents.
As we get a little older, we tend to approach a birthday with a little less gusto.
Some of us have even lied about just how many birthdays we have celebrated!
Here are some zingers to remind you that every birthday is worth celebrating and leaving a smile on your face.
So, take a deep breath, and laugh heartily. Save just enough air to blow out the candles on your cake!
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If you like this article, we suggest you explore our most popular quotes article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily encouragement.
Read more related content on our inspirational quotes category page.
Funny birthday quotes from actors and comedians
1. “You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
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2. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen
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3. “That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.” – Bob Hope
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4. “When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.” – Joan Rivers
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5. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball
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6. “After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” – Bette Midler
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7. “The older you get the better you get, unless you are a banana.” – Betty White
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8. “The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.” – Doris Day
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9. “Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” – Billie Burke
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10. “Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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11. “Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” – Kitty Collins
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12. “If you survive long enough, you’re revered-rather like an old building.” – Katherine Hepburn
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13. “Eventually you reach a point where you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
14. “Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!” – Kate Summers
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Funny birthday quotes about cake, candles, and gifts
15. “A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” – Erma Bombeck
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16. “All the world is a birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.” – George Harrison
17. “Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.” – Steven Wright
18. “When the candles on your cake burn down before they are all lit you know you are getting up there.” – Catherine Pulsifer
19. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain
20. “You’re in mint condition for a vintage model. Happy Birthday!” – Catherine Pulsifer
21. “From our birthday, until we die, is but the winking of an eye.” – William Butler Yeats
22. “You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.” – Felix Severn
23. “I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So, I got a cake!” – Mitch Hedberg
24. “For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier…I put them in my room and let them fight it out.” – Steven Wright
If you’re enjoying these quotes, read our collection of Steven Wright quotes to make you laugh.
Funny birthday quotes to make your special day
25. “Just remember once you are over the hill, you start to pick up speed.” – Charles Schultz
26. “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
27. “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” — Ubie Blake
28. “If we could be twice as young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.” — Euripedes
29. “Inside every older person is a younger person—wondering what the hell happened.” — Jeniffer Yane
30. “It’s sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.” — Brigitte Bardot
Funny birthday quotes that will make you laugh out loud
31. ” A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” – Robert Frost
32. “Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.” – Ogden Nash
33. “This birthday when someone refers to your many years, you can tell them you are now a classic, and classics are priceless.” – Catherine Pulsifer
34. “Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” – Anonymous
35. “We must both, I’m afraid, recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars-more and more repairs and replacements are necessary.” – C.S. Lewis
36. “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” – H.V. Prochnow
37. “For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.” – John Glenn
38. “Your favorite kind of cake can’t be birthday cake, that’s like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.” – Aziz Ansari
39. “I like birthdays because we celebrate with life with cakes. It’s so cool. Sometimes, when I see a baby, I’m like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I’m like the cake streak is over.” – Demetri Martin
40. “Birthdays are a great time to stop an appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room, so you don’t have to chase it.” – Greg Tamblyn
41. “Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” – Ogden Nash
42. “It’s better to be over the hill than under it.” – Unknown
43. “You’re not as young as you used to be. But you’re not as old as you’re going to be.” – Irish Saying
44. “Age may wrinkle the face, but lack of enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” – Danish Proverb
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Other special and funny birthday quotes
45. “Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” – Golda Meir
46. “The people who live in a golden age usually go around complaining how yellow everything looks.” — Randall Jarrell
47. “Today is the oldest you have been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it!” – Nicky Gumbel
48. “At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.” – Unknown
49. “It’s better to be one month older than one month late!” – Unknown
50. “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” – Rev. Larry Lorenzoni
Funny Birthday Quotes To Have More Fun As You Celebrate That Special Day
51. “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” — Oprah
52. “You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” — Ogden Nash
53. “I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.” — Francis Bacon
54. “A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” — R. C. Ferguson
55. “Happy Birthday to you, we hope that all year you never feel blue.” — Marcia Goldlist
56. “They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.” — Malcolm Cowley
57. “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” — Tom Wilson
58. “Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.” — Robert Southey
59. “Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.“ — Carl G. Jung
60. “Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty.” — Joan Rivers
Funny Birthday Quotes Perfect For a Birthday Card
61. “Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.” — Catherine Pulsifer
62. “One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you’ve become harmless.” — Liz Smith
63. “Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.” – Unknown
64. “I’m not aging, I’m marinating.” – Unknown
65. “Middle age is when a man is warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.” – Unknown
66. “Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday and it said that I needed an upgrade.” – Unknown
67. “The good thing about getting older is if you don’t want to do something you can say, I’m too old to do that!” — Kate Summers
68. “As you get older, though, you realize there are fire extinguishers. You do have an ability to control the flames.” — Chaka Khan
69. “Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.” — Kin Hubbard
70. “You’ve heard of the three ages of man: youth, middle age, and you’re looking wonderful.” — Cardinal Spellman
Funny Birthday Quotes For A Friend
71. “May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.” — Frank Sinatra
72. “You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.” — Germaine Greer
73. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” — Gracie Allen
74. “It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.” — Ellen Glasgow
75. “When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.” — Steven Wright
76. “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Norman Wisdom
77. “Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” — Maurice Chevalier
78. “The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.” — Oscar Wilde
79. “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” — Dr. Seuss
80. “A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.” — Muhammad Ali
Short funny birthday wishes for a friend
81. “You’re a really hard individual to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!”
82. “It’s your birthday? Let’s get up to some mischief!”
83. “Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.”
84. “Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.”
85. “If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!”
86. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
87. “Smart, good-looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!”
88. “At least you’re not as old as you’ll be this time next year.”
89. “Congratulations on getting slightly older!”
90. “Happy birthday! I think it’s great… how you used to be young.”
Funny Birthday Quotes For Childhood Friend
91.“No wonder I’m unhappy. My twin forgot my birthday.” — Jerry Dennis
92. “People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” — George Burns
93. “Pamper yourself on your birthday, as in a few years someone will put a damper on your birthday reminding you of your age.” — Byron Pulsifer
94. “I’m six foot eleven. My birthday covers three days.” — Darryl Dawkins
95. “Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?” — Bobby Kelton
96. “When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he is rather tired of something in himself.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald
97. “Don’t expect gifts on your birthday, because when you were born you already received the greatest gift, existence!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan
98. “I hate birthdays, did you know, too many can actually kill you?” ― Nitya Prakash
99. “If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.” — Anthony
100. “A broke man’s lover doesn’t feel ‘loved’ on her Birthday, Christmas, and, on Valentine’s Day.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Funny Birthday Quotes To Enjoy You Birthday
101. “Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don’t really know.” ― Andy Borowitz
102. “Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.” ― Sammy Hagar
103. “Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same.” ― Audrey Hepburn
104. “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.'” ― Jerry Seinfeld
105. “A birthday is just another day where you go to work and people give you love. Age is just a state of mind, and you are as old as you think you are. You have to count your blessings and be happy.” ― Abhishek Bachchan
106. “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” ― Ogden Nash
107. “The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” ― George Eliot
108. “The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” ― Robert Orben
109. “Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone’s drunk in the kitchen.” ― Jim Gaffigan
110. “Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” ― C. E. M. Joad
Funny Birthday Quotes to Make Your Loved One Laugh Out Loud
111. “At 50 your work is almost done, and retirement sounds like fun. So enjoy your day while you can still play.” ― Catherine Pulsifer
112. “Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.” ― Harold Coffin
113. “Turning the big 40, well that can seem like a blow.No worries though as 50 will be here before you know!” ― Catherine Pulsifer
114. “Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” ― Richard Bach
115. “Turning 50 is not so bad considering the alternative.” ― Leland Gregory
116. “I have to remind people even though I turning 65 I am very much alive.” ― Byron Pulsifer
117. “Don’t just count your years, make your years count.” ― George Meredith
118. “When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.” ― Blair Sabol
119. “Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world.” ― Jarod Kintz
120. “You know you’ve aged when you read events you lived in a history book.” ― Will Ferrell
Funny Birthday Quotes to Embrace the Years Lived
121. “Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old who are only my age.” — Richard Armour
122. “Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.” — Dave Barry
123. “For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do. For the second half, they tell you what you should have done.” — Richard Needham
124. “Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.” — Truman Capote
125. “You were born and with you endless possibilities, very few ever to be realized. It’s okay. Life was never about what you could do, but what you would do.” — Richelle E. Goodrich
126. “To know how to grow old is the masterwork of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.” — Henri Frederic Amiel
127. “Age is a high price to pay for maturity.” — Tom Stoppard
128. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” — Mahatma Gandhi
129. “You don’t get older, you get better.” — Shirley Bassey
130. “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” — Madeleine L’Engle
Funny Birthday Quotes to Celebrate Another Year With Humor
131. “I decided if you’re lucky enough to be alive, you should use each birthday to celebrate what your life is about.” — Mary Steenburgen
132. “You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” — John Mason
133. “When you wake up every day, it’s like a new birthday: it’s a new chance to be great again and make great decisions.” — Poo Bear
134. “Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” — John Lennon
135. “Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.” — Booth Tarkington
136. “Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.” — Franklin Pierce Adams
137. “Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” — Dorothy Canfield Fisher
138. “Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” — Chili Davis
139. “At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.” — Benjamin Franklin
140. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
Which of these funny birthday quotes made your day
These funny birthday quotes have hopefully given you the inspiration for a worthy birthday card inscription.
Or maybe little sticky notes, one for each day, on the month leading up to someone’s birthday.
Maybe, you were feeling a little blue about getting older and needed a pick-me-up.
A birthday is the one day a year that we get to celebrate ourselves or our loved ones, and it should be enjoyed to the fullest extent possible!
Here are some final words of advice on birthdays: husbands, don’t get her an appliance of any kind (unless she asks), enjoy the cake on your special day, and laugh a lot at whatever life threw at you the previous year!
Did you enjoy these funny birthday quotes and sayings?
Which of the quotes is your favorite?
Tell us in the comment section below.
We would love to hear all about it.